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Bigger Phil

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Saturday, December 20th 2008, 6:38am

BP verus Falcotron----HW presents-Last Man Standing

Greetings:

This is a battle between the outdated and corny jokes of BP vs the superior intelligence and analicable abilities of Falcotron. This is for the title of King of the Forums! I start my assault with a joke to fluster Falcotron's superior intellect!


Joke-


Dear HW staff---there is a problem with the new software...everytime I hit Highscore and then hit Booty----Mildred's avatar always comes up!

Take that Falco!

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Saturday, December 20th 2008, 9:33am

If I'm "analicable", does that mean I have to make booty jokes too?

Or am I supposed to overanalyze the challenge and then make overly intellectual jokes?

How about if I do both?

How did the pirate's quest for booty take him to Alpha Centauri?

He spent over four years at c.
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Saturday, December 20th 2008, 5:46pm

Corny Joke

The perfect gift for Falcotron? Postit Notes! Take that Tron Boy!

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Sunday, December 21st 2008, 1:04am

Since I was born in Texas, I think I'm required by law to make fun of Phil's state (because as everyone knows, the only good thing to come out of Oklahoma is I-40). So:

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Oklahoma?

If it were invented anywhere else, they would have called it a teethbrush.

Ah, Oklahoma, where the state bird is the oil rig. Where they don't get the "location, location, location" joke because they just figure there were two tornadoes since the sentence started. OK, I'm actually running out of Okie jokes, since I left Texas in kindergarten, and that's as far as they taught us.

PS, I shouldn't admit this, but the Okies have better jokes than the Texans. For example: A genie came down and offered each state one wish. New Mexico asked for 100x as much rainfall over their deserts. Texas asked for a 50" high indestructible wall around the state of Texas so nobody could get in our out, especially the Okies. Oklahoma asked for 100x as much rainfall over Texas.
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Tuesday, December 23rd 2008, 3:53am

If Falco buys a donkey in w7...is he riding dirty?

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Tuesday, December 23rd 2008, 4:20am

The only meaning I know for "riding dirty" is driving with an unregistered firearm. As in what the cops are trying to catch Charmillionaire doing.

So I've obviously missed a joke that someone more hip and with it would get. I try to get down with the groovy slang those youngsters are wont to use, but apparently I am bad at it--and not bad in the sense in which it apparently means good.
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illyrian

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Friday, December 26th 2008, 3:39am

since i dont have anything better to do at the moment, which is sad... :(

why wouldn't Texas fall into the gulf of mexico?
because oklahoma sucks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7PjELgMhjo

Hook'em Horns :)

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Tuesday, February 3rd 2009, 9:17pm

The only meaning I know for "riding dirty" is driving with an unregistered firearm. As in what the cops are trying to catch Charmillionaire doing.


Ridin Dirty has multiple meanings. So Falco if you are riding a donkey---you are riding dirty.....Not as dirty as when Panda rides his unicorn...but still dirty

Buba the Great

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Sunday, May 10th 2009, 2:16am

Falco wins!!!!! :thumbsup:

The Missing Rum

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Bigger Phil

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Tuesday, June 9th 2009, 5:01am

I never lose....and here is my proof. After careful research and listening to many songs. I have determined that Falcotron is misnamed. here are the facts- Falcotron is named after the greatest one hit wonder of any country from the former Axis Powers of WW1. and of course from the movie Tron. I say that the Austrian singer Falco is only the second greatest singer from the Central Axis Powers on WW1.....the number 1---one hit wonder is of course is Peter Schilling. So Falcotron should be named Schillingtron, or Schilltron or the Petertron. Once again xxxxxxxtron is defeated in this thread.

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Tuesday, June 9th 2009, 6:27am

I never lose....and here is my proof. After careful research and listening to many songs. I have determined that Falcotron is misnamed. here are the facts- Falcotron is named after the greatest one hit wonder of any country from the former Axis Powers of WW1.
Well, there were no Axis Powers in WWI. But if you meant the Central Powers, that has to be Nena. Who else had a #2 US hit and nothing else anywhere near the top 40?

Well, technically she had two #2 hits, as both "99 Luftballons" and "99 Red Balloons" charted separately.

And I suppose you'd rule out Trio, even if their three hits (1985, 1987, and 1997) were all the same song, "Da Da Da." And Kraftwerk and Falco.

So then there's Dschinghis Khan's "Moskau," La Bouche's "Be My Lover," and Zombie Nation's "Kernkraft 400;" all hit the top 10, and none of those bands ever came close again.

Sorry that I had 70s, 90s, and 00s examples but no 80s; the closest is probably Camouflage's "The Great Commandment," which hit #1 on both the dance and alternative charts, if not the main chart, and is a familiar 80s staple, even if everyone thinks it was Depeche Mode.

Or, forget the charts. What's song is a more recognizable icon than Yello's "Oh Yeah," aka the Ferrari song from Ferris Bueller? OK, Yello is Swiss, but that album was recorded in Vienna. And if that disqualifies them, what about Propaganda's "p:Machinery"--that instrumental that was in more John Hughes movies than there were John Hughes movies that always makes you think of a train?

Dune (who have major hits everywhere in the world but the US) somehow got "Million Miles From Home" selected as the official song of the 30th anniversary of Star Trek _and_ the 30th anniversary of Apollo 11.

And then there's that Scooter song (another band with majors hits everywhere else in the world) that was used in commercials for American Idol, America's Top Model, and 300 other TV shows.
the number 1---one hit wonder is of course is Peter Schilling.
Oh, come on. His biggest hit--great as it was--barely made the top 20. I have only one thing to say to that, and it has nothing to do with Major Tom:

Quoted

Berlin, city of night
You sleep between the East and West
Along the left and right
Broken, kept from the light
You close your eyes and everything
Remains in black and white
Berlin, when will you fight
Yes, my third most famous song is clearly about GAS. How much more full of win can you get than that?
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Blue Tiger

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Tuesday, June 16th 2009, 2:09am

If I'm "analicable", does that mean I have to make booty jokes too?

Or am I supposed to overanalyze the challenge and then make overly intellectual jokes?

How about if I do both?


How did the pirate's quest for booty take him to Alpha Centauri?

He spent over four years at c.
i dont get it
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
- George Orwell




Finally left HW... Yay me!! Ill be on the forums from time to time to comment on random stuff

Mulvers

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Tuesday, June 16th 2009, 2:13am

:whistling:

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Tuesday, June 16th 2009, 6:34pm

How did the pirate's quest for booty take him to Alpha Centauri?

He spent over four years at c.
i dont get it
Well, it's not very funny in the first place--but, just to make it even less funny, I'll explain it.

"Four Years at Sea" is an old sea-shanty, the kind of song pirates sing while they're hoistin' the mains'l and keelhaulin' mutineers and turnin' cabin boys into cabin women and all those other piratey things they do.

Alpha Centauri is the closest star to our Sun, about 4 light years away. A light year is the distance something going the speed of light would travel in one year. So, to reach Alpha Centauri at the speed of light takes about 4 years. In physics, "c" is the speed of light (as in E=mc^2).

So, 4 years at c will get you to Alpha Centauri.

The right time to use this joke is after people have run out of all of the funny pirate jokes* and started using the ones with "arrr" for "r"--and even then only if you're with a group of drunk engineering students,** and even then only if you want everyone to groan and throw things at you instead of laughing.***

If you're not around engineering students, you could make the same joke by asking "Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet?" "Because they spend 4 years at C." But, given that people other than engineering students might be able to beat you up, this is generally not advisable.

* Contrary to popular belief, there are only 2 funny pirate jokes, so this doesn't take long.

** This is one of those situations you generally want to avoid in life, but sometimes you fail.

*** Mostly, they threw quarters. This is a good way to pay for your laundry when you're a broke college student. Unless you have some self-respect or something silly like that.
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Bigger Phil

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Wednesday, June 17th 2009, 3:24am

is a joke funny if it takes 10 sentences to explain? Plus three notations and few math forumulas......BP wins this round :thumbup:

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Wednesday, June 17th 2009, 9:26pm

is a joke funny if it takes 10 sentences to explain? Plus three notations and few math forumulas......BP wins this round :thumbup:
The only funny pirate jokes are the wheel in the pants and the booty pun.

Maybe people should try 90s-style observational humor about pirates instead?

What is the deal with pirate ship food? Have you ever tried this stuff? Could this stuff taste any worse? It's like, "Thanks, but no thanks--I'm already stuffed from that huge half lime you served us earlier to keep us from getting scurvy." Why do we even eat it? But the pirate next to me, he loves it. He can't get enough. I'm looking for a dog to slip it to, and he's asking for third! And have you tried grog? I mean, have you tried the stuff? Rum and water? Has anyone ever said, "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum--but dilute it with a bunch of water first, please"? Seriously, who were the ad wizards who came up with this stuff? And what's the deal with the Jolly Roger flag? Could someone explain this to me? Not only is he dead and decayed, but he's got his legs crossed in front of his neck. Come to think of it, maybe that's why he's so jolly. But have you ever seen a wrecked ship? The hull is in splinters, the masts are shattered, but the girl carved on the prow, she's always in perfect shape, so someone can say, "Hey, that's the chick from Bluebeard's ship, so this must be Bluebeard's shrunken treasure." Why didn't Bluebeard make his whole ship out of whatever that figurehead is carved into? And don't get me started on pirates' hair. Do they let the parrots trim it for them? It's like someone went to Supercuts and fell asleep in the chair. Thank you, you've been a great audience, I'll be on Evening at the Improv 76 more times before the end of 1992.
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Buba the Great

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Sunday, July 19th 2009, 7:41am

Bumped for Phil

Mulvers

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Sunday, July 19th 2009, 4:15pm

Phil fails to respond in time and Falco will win by default!

Bigger Phil

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Sunday, July 19th 2009, 6:09pm

James Falcotron Cooper

New info revealed

Falcotron's real name reveled

He is James Falcotron Cooper---award winning author of the "The Last of the Alpha-Centauri Mochigans"

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Wednesday, October 7th 2009, 6:23am

"Four Years at Sea" is an old sea-shanty, the kind of song pirates sing while they're hoistin' the mains'l and keelhaulin' mutineers and turnin' cabin boys into cabin women and all those other piratey things they do.


Well, y'don't want to ever be droppin the mainsail, it's a dutch rig to hoist. On most decent oceangoing sail ships it's not even possible to drop the big sheet, ya just reef it in and stow it. Shantys are mainly for haul-away-lines and reefing work, too, you don't really need a proper time call to DROP sails... Ye were probly just tryin to sound all nautical and such, so I'll leave ye be so ye don't fact-n-figure me to death, but ye should get some proper piratical terms, sos ye don't sound so much the lubber.
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Thursday, April 15th 2010, 9:19pm

BP wins because Falcotron sold out!

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Friday, April 16th 2010, 1:23am

BP wins because Falcotron sold out!
No, because you left months ago. If I remember correctly, it's because you needed to spend more time at the gym instead of in HW. And then you joined W8, where you wore a corset. :)
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