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Bigger Phil

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1

Wednesday, June 24th 2009, 3:50am

Falcotron's Closet

Recently, secret cameras were taken to Falcotron’s home in San Francisco also know as the Bay area. Due to the limited time and the fact that this is considered breaking and entering – limited information was gathered. The camera crew was directed to Falcotron’s closet in the master bedroom. Here is what was uncovered:


It is an extra large walk-in closet. Panning the camera from left to right, immediately you are struck by the complete organization of the closet. The closet has a shelf which is on all three sides of the closet and with two parallel poles to hang clothes. There is no pole on the back wall for reasons that will soon become apparent.

Starting from left to right- the first thing you see are slacks arranged neatly followed by shirts, ties and belts. Then closely followed by 4 business suits, 1 tuxedo, and 5 leisure suits. Next- 5 black cloaks, 1 set of Farmers overalls, 5 sets of Dickies clothes. Then you see a brown leather vest with the word “Warriors” on it; hanging next to a Hell’s Angels prospect jacket.

On the floor, there is a box of computer programming books- some of the titles seen: Basic , Cobalt and Fortran. The book on top is rather peculiar- “Your mother doesn’t know Linux”. Next to this box appears to be a box of Apple IIe components.

Above the clothes- we a box labeled S&H Greenstamps- $3000. Next to that box are several more boxes, 1 labeled coin collection, 1 labeled stamp collection, 1 labeled German coin collection, 1 labeled Austria coin collection. The next box says Adam Ant tour memories. Completely filling up the rest of the shelf- countless posters. The only ones visibly seen are for the movies Tron and Porkys.


We are still on the left side, immediately after the jackets- there is a space and then it is a lot of costumes.
1. A Tron costume
2. A construction worker outfit
3. An Indian Chief outfit
4. A Leather Biker outfit
5. A cowboy outfit
6. A soldier outfit (fatigues)
7. A Chaka outfit
8. A Chaka Khan outfit
9. Two hospital scubs sets.
10. A CHIPs uniform
11. Police officer uniform
12. A Sleestak outfit
13. Roman Soldier outfit
14. A Zorro outfit

And 15 Adam Ant costumes.

Finally- next to Apple IIe parts are a lot of remote controlled toys- 3 cars, 1 boat, 1 ship , 2 helicopters. 1 K-9 unit from a Sci-fi show and what appears to be a half completed full scale dalek model. This completes the left side of Falco closet- stay tuned.

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Wednesday, June 24th 2009, 4:46am

This is scary is so many ways :huh:
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Wednesday, June 24th 2009, 9:09am

The scary thing is that it's not that far from reality.

I have a somewhat small walk-in closet, but for some reason there's another walk-in closet in the back right corner of the closet, which I can only assume the owners used for their secret crime-fighting Batcave or Sarah Jane alien-tracking complex or something like that. It's not at all well-organized, so I'm not entirely sure exactly what's in there, but I do know this much:

Hanging, there's a black leather jacket, a light black jacket, a Soviet army jacket, a US army winter jacket (the kind with the removable insulation), one suit with two pairs of slacks, a bunch of pairs of black pants, a few button-up shirts (mostly black, but at least one white one), a generic "silvery future guy" costume from a few Halloweens ago, and an Arthur Dent costume (a dressing gown and a shiny black book) from another Halloween.

There's also a dresser with enough underwear and black socks that I can go for a long time without laundry, 100+ t-shirts (mostly black, with various bands/clubs/festivals/etc. or names of tech companies on them), and, on top, a tribble, three pairs of goggles, a Greek fisherman's cap, and about $30 worth of leftover change from Europe (Euros, Danish krone, and Swedish krona).

There's a small box filled with figurines and other toys (pose-able Bender, metal Gir, big plastic Mazinger, and a few that aren't even robots, but no K-9 or Daleks, and nothing remote-controlled), a big box full of miscellaneous cables and old gadgets (including two cellphones that don't even work in the US), and a huge box that I have no idea what's in it because I haven't opened it since I moved, but I think it does contain some 80s movie posters left over from a giveaway at an 80s club. On top of the boxes are two motorcycle helmets and a bicycle helmet (and I have no idea why I have the bike helmet).

Also on the floor are five laptop bags, only one with a laptop in it.

And finally, a pair of 10-hole Docs, a pair of jungle boots, and a couple pairs of shoes I haven't worn in forever. (The shoes I wore earlier today aren't in the closet, nor are the ones I wore yesterday.)

There may be other stuff hiding behind all of that. The cat certainly seems to be sure of it.

The books are downstairs, on the bookshelf. The Apple //e went to an old girlfriend in the early 90s; the only computer in the closet is the previously-mentioned laptop, an old 12" PowerBook. Sadly, I do not own a Tron outfit. And I do not need a Chaka Khan outfit, as when I say the right magic word and spin around I turn into Chaka Khan.
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Wednesday, June 24th 2009, 2:12pm

this is still scary is so many ways 8)
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
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5

Wednesday, June 24th 2009, 10:39pm

The Center of the Closet

Now we look at the center of the closet, as mentioned before it has the most striking feature. In the center, is a full size blue London Police box! Immediately to the left appears to be a fully functioning Mars Rover. To the right appears to be a broken telescope. Also, as previously mentioned by Falcotron are two motorcycle helmets and a bike helmet on the shevles. Upon closer inspection, one the motor cycle helmet is actually the headgear of a "Cyberman Soldier". The other motorcycle helmet is actually the helmet that Eddie Grant wore in video " Electric Avenue". Both helmets have the prominence paperwork with them. As first glance the final helmet appears to be a bike helmet, but in fact it is a West German Luge Team Helmet circa 1983.

6

Thursday, June 25th 2009, 1:30am

this is still scary is so many ways 8)
Not sure what is scarier...that Phil is contemplating Falco's closet or how close he is..hmmmmmmmmm :whistling:

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Thursday, June 25th 2009, 2:24am

i find it scary that phil stalks people and how he only went into his closet and who knows what he did in that closet
The quickest way of ending a war is to lose it.
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8

Saturday, June 27th 2009, 5:07pm

Finally, the right side of Falcotron’s closet is complete. As mentioned before, there is a chest in the closet. After digging through the T-shirts and shocks, there is a treasure trove of old computer games. Just some of the titles- Zork, Myst, Lost Vikings, Wizardly and a flight simulator game + many mores. Beside the chest, are several pairs of shoes, boots and 1 pair of High Heels. The last thing on the floor next to the closet entrance is Kirby Vacuum Cleaner with hepa filtration.

On the clothes pole are the following- a midget gimp suit, full size gimp suit, a clown outfit, 2 lab jackets, three wet suits and seldom used artic winter coat. There is a Liberace costume and an Elvis Pressley costume complete with prominence paperwork. 3 Red “Security” T-shirts plus two blue T-shirts with the Star Trek logo on them. The last item is well made pirate outfit.

Finally, the top shelf- a never used home made bread machine, then a George Foreman grill and finally a Flowbee set. Barely noticed behind the Flowbee, was a Pocket Fisherman! Next comes the hat collection- from left to right: A John Deere Hat, a French Beret, a I Love the Irish hat, Indiana Jones hat and a top hat. Next comes- a Crispy Crème hat, Long John Silvers Pirate hat, a Treasure Island pirate hat, a pirate hat from the Black Pearl, and a Somali pirate bandanna circa 2008.

The last few items- a dart board with Peter Schilling’s face on it. A few bottles of white face paint. Then directly behind a three dimensional chess set seems to be a forgotten record album, the Partridge Family greatest hits sung in German by David Hasselhoff.

So ends our tour of Falcotron’s closet, but a final note. Directly outside the closet was a terminator robot with a post it note on it- Return to TBK.

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Saturday, June 27th 2009, 7:51pm

OK, this is getting scary.
After digging through the T-shirts and shocks, there is a treasure trove of old computer games. Just some of the titles- Zork, Myst, Lost Vikings, Wizardly and a flight simulator game + many mores.
I found an old, unopened copy of Planescape: Torment in the box of cables.
3 Red “Security” T-shirts plus two blue T-shirts with the Star Trek logo on them. The last item is well made pirate outfit.
I had a gold Star Trek:TOS command uniform before I moved last time, but I don't know what happened to it. A friend bought it for me to wear years ago, but I ended up dressing as Bele, the half-black/half-white alien from the "Let This Be Your Last Battlefield" episode instead.
and finally a Flowbee set
I actually have one of these in my bathroom closet. It was a gag gift for my 30th birthday, and my friend actually gave me a haircut with it. It's never been used again, and I don't have a vacuum cleaner that can connect to it, but I still have it.
A John Deere Hat, a French Beret, a I Love the Irish hat, Indiana Jones hat and a top hat. Next comes- a Crispy Crème hat, Long John Silvers Pirate hat, a Treasure Island pirate hat, a pirate hat from the Black Pearl, and a Somali pirate bandanna circa 2008.
Just the Greek fisherman's cap. I did own a black fedora, a charcoal fedora (just like Indy's), and a grey fedora chopped and turned inside-out 1930s style (like Jughead), but they all disappeared in one of the last two moves. The only other hats I've owned in the past decade are a Soviet Black Sea Fleet Naval Infantry Captain beret, a weird "futuristic"-looking silvery angular hat,* an LA Dodgers cap (mainly because it annoys certain kinds of people in SF), various baseball caps with different tech company logos that I got as convention swag and never wore, and a Disneyland Mickey-ears hat with a slash on it instead of my name (in honor of Johnny "/" Ulasewicz of Square Pegs, of course**).
A few bottles of white face paint.
See Bele above. I think I still have the face paints, somewhere in the bathroom.
the Partridge Family greatest hits sung in German by David Hasselhoff.
Wow, I wish that existed. I did once have the actual Partridge Family Greatest Hits, but that record is long gone. (I think I still have a rip of it in iTunes, though.)

* This was given to me by Andy Dicensored somewhere around 10 years ago. I was wearing my silvery future-guy costume at Canter's after a Halloween party, and in walked Mr. Famous Guy With a Censored Name from NewsRadio and the Ben Stiller Show. He saw me, ran back out to his car, and brought the hat in and put it on my head. He then hit on me, then my girlfriend, and then introduced us to his wife. Anyway, I have no idea why he had this hat in his car. I mean, beyond the usual reasons he has for everything.

** As played by Merritt Butrick, aka Kirk's son that the Klingon bastard killed.
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Bigger Phil

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Saturday, June 27th 2009, 8:00pm

and a huge box that I have no idea what's in it because I haven't opened it since I moved


Open it! lol

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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 12:56am

and a huge box that I have no idea what's in it because I haven't opened it since I moved


Open it! lol
OK, at the top: a towel, two power strips, the box for my Zaurus, a heavy blanket (I didn't know I still had that one). I'll look through the rest later; it's really hot upstairs today.
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 2:15am

and a huge box that I have no idea what's in it because I haven't opened it since I moved


Open it! lol
OK, at the top: a towel, two power strips, the box for my Zaurus, a heavy blanket (I didn't know I still had that one). I'll look through the rest later; it's really hot upstairs today.
We live in the modern age.... air conditioning...
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 2:46am

I'll look through the rest later; it's really hot upstairs today.
We live in the modern age.... air conditioning...
No, nobody has air conditioning in San Francisco, because it never gets hot here.

Which means it really sucks when it gets hot here, as it does every summer (and every November, for some reason).
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 3:20am

I'll look through the rest later; it's really hot upstairs today.
We live in the modern age.... air conditioning...
, because it never gets hot here.

, as it does every summer (and every November, for some reason).
So what was it about never getting hot there?
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 3:35am

, because it never gets hot here.

, as it does every summer (and every November, for some reason).
So what was it about never getting hot there?
It's just like how it never rains in LA, so when it does rain, it sucks, because nobody's prepared for it and everyone drives like idiots.

Or how the weather is never nice in Baltimore, so when it is nice... actually, no, it really never is; Baltimore just sucks. :P
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 4:12am

RE: Falcotron's Closet

1. A Tron costume
2. A construction worker outfit
3. An Indian Chief outfit
4. A Leather Biker outfit
5. A cowboy outfit
6. A soldier outfit (fatigues)
7. A Chaka outfit
8. A Chaka Khan outfit
9. Two hospital scubs sets.
10. A CHIPs uniform
11. Police officer uniform
12. A Sleestak outfit
13. Roman Soldier outfit
14. A Zorro outfit
So he has been in the movie Tron, at one time been every member of the village people, and has been a number of seventies and/or eighties sitcom stars?
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 4:22am

RE: Falcotron's Closet

Recently, secret cameras were taken to Falcotron’s home in San Francisco also know as the Bay area. Due to the limited time and the fact that this is considered breaking and entering – limited information was gathered. The camera crew was directed to Falcotron’s closet in the master bedroom. Here is what was uncovered:


It is an extra large walk-in closet. Panning the camera from left to right, immediately you are struck by the complete organization of the closet. The closet has a shelf which is on all three sides of the closet and with two parallel poles to hang clothes. There is no pole on the back wall for reasons that will soon become apparent.

Starting from left to right- the first thing you see are slacks arranged neatly followed by shirts, ties and belts. Then closely followed by 4 business suits, 1 tuxedo, and 5 leisure suits. Next- 5 black cloaks, 1 set of Farmers overalls, 5 sets of Dickies clothes. Then you see a brown leather vest with the word “Warriors” on it; hanging next to a Hell’s Angels prospect jacket.

On the floor, there is a box of computer programming books- some of the titles seen: Basic , Cobalt and Fortran. The book on top is rather peculiar- “Your mother doesn’t know Linux”. Next to this box appears to be a box of Apple IIe components.

Above the clothes- we a box labeled S&H Greenstamps- $3000. Next to that box are several more boxes, 1 labeled coin collection, 1 labeled stamp collection, 1 labeled German coin collection, 1 labeled Austria coin collection. The next box says Adam Ant tour memories. Completely filling up the rest of the shelf- countless posters. The only ones visibly seen are for the movies Tron and Porkys.

Finally- next to Apple IIe parts are a lot of remote controlled toys- 3 cars, 1 boat, 1 ship , 2 helicopters. 1 K-9 unit from a Sci-fi show and what appears to be a half completed full scale dalek model. This completes the left side of Falco closet- stay tuned.
What's really scaring me is that this sounds eerily like my closet. *insert smiley that looks frightened here*

Well, mine's organized in the opposite direction, but very close. Well, I have two suits, no tux's, and no leisure suits.

He was a member of The Warriors then?

Well, I don't have many programming books, but I do have an awful lot of computer related books in and/or around my closet.

By an odd coincidence I do happen to keep a coin collection next to my closet. :huh:

By another odd coincidence I did used to keep remote controlled gadgets in my closet as well.

Phil, what are you doing in my closet? :S Oh, and a better question, how did you find me? 8|
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 5:07am

RE: RE: Falcotron's Closet

What's really scaring me is that this sounds eerily like my closet. *insert smiley that looks frightened here*
Check again--I stole your closet, so now you ain't got one.
He was a member of The Warriors then?
Can you dig it? Can you dig it!
So he has been in the movie Tron
No, Tron is based on my true life story.
, at one time been every member of the village people
No, I was never the weightlifter.
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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 6:25pm

It's just like how it never rains in LA, so when it does rain, it sucks, because nobody's prepared for it and everyone drives like idiots.


Hehe..yeah it never rains in LA except for Feb-March :P

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Sunday, June 28th 2009, 7:06pm

The Falcotron Coolness Scale

I have counted the items in the Falcotron master closet. There are 96 unique items. I have developed a scale for you to measure your coolness in comparison to Falcotron. It is called the Falcotron Coolness Scale:

80-96 Falcotron Peer
65-79 Falcotron Minion
45-64 Falcotron Trainee
35-44 Poser
20-34 A Fake Gamer
1-19 A Peter Schilling Spy

Some of the rules- if you have 20 pairs of pants in your closet- it only counts as 1 item. On the posters, computer books, and software any that you have will be counted as 1 item except for the specifically named items.

Size does not matter- example if you have Mars Rover model- it will count as 1.

Items in storage, attic ,basement, parents house or at a former gf’s house being held for ransom do not count.


Good Luck and make Falcotron Proud!

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Friday, July 17th 2009, 4:06am

My small walk in closet doubles as a storage area, though my things could never be close to as cool as Falco's :P
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Thursday, March 4th 2010, 12:04am

Bumped

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Thursday, March 4th 2010, 12:06am

1. A Tron costume



Did Falco represent Australia at the 2010 Vancouver Olympics as a Speed Skater? ?(

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Thursday, March 4th 2010, 12:15am

When are falco and Phil gonna come out of the closet? It is San fran.

Bigger Phil

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Thursday, March 4th 2010, 12:27am

lol---nope. It was just investigative journlism at its finest!

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Thursday, March 4th 2010, 12:28am

Really.... journalism? that is your best cover story... and like none of them are coming out of Michael Jackson's closet.

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Thursday, March 4th 2010, 12:55am

The most I could find in my closet was 78 different items, and that's without opening the storage bins I have in there, so there may be more.

I've got a lot of stuff in my closet.
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Friday, March 5th 2010, 12:49am

mines... empty... thats not right... looks at floor... i have the various computing books... not the mentioned ones tho...
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Friday, March 5th 2010, 12:58am

Am I the only one who keeps... JUST clothes in my closet?

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Friday, March 5th 2010, 1:02am

strangely the main thing in my closet is... weight gain stuff... ... ... its my housemates not mine... honest
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Friday, March 5th 2010, 4:12am

Wow... does anyone else find this slightly disturbing??? The Boogyman in the closet isnt half as scary now as imagining Bigger Phil in the closet 8o
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Friday, March 5th 2010, 6:35am

and, on top, a tribble...
8o OOH! OOH! I want one!!!! where did you get that!?!?! please please please please please please tell this poor mortal where I could lay eyes if not hands on one :( oh yeah and pls remeber to spay and neuter it if you want to have more than one together lol

:D
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Friday, March 5th 2010, 8:56am

and, on top, a tribble...
8o OOH! OOH! I want one!!!! where did you get that!?!?! please please please please please please tell this poor mortal where I could lay eyes if not hands on one :( oh yeah and pls remeber to spay and neuter it if you want to have more than one together lol
Actually, a friend gave it to me as a present. But I could ask where she got it.
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Friday, March 5th 2010, 9:42am

Wow... does anyone else find this slightly disturbing??? The Boogyman in the closet isnt half as scary now as imagining Bigger Phil in the closet


Bigger Phil out of the closet would scare me more
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Saturday, September 4th 2010, 5:07am

45-64 Falcotron Trainee



I think Buba is a Falcotron Trainee

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Friday, September 24th 2010, 8:45pm

over-fed Tribble



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37

Tuesday, January 4th 2011, 10:14pm

bumped for forum newbies......test yourself on the Falcotron Coolness Scale!

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38

Wednesday, January 5th 2011, 4:23am

I miss Falco. :(
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39

Friday, February 17th 2012, 10:40pm

It was alleged that Falcotron was actually Adam Ant. The evidence has been presented. It is up to you to decide.